


Memories

by callmechristinae



Series: Livejournal Migration [18]
Category: Rent - Larson
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-03
Updated: 2006-04-03
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmechristinae/pseuds/callmechristinae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collins thinks back on his time in the loft.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

The room was dark, the windows having been covered long ago with heavy blankets they had picked up from somewhere. Light filtered in from underneath the door, indicating that it was, unfortunately daytime. Hacking coughs tore at his lungs, leaving him gasping for breath and clutching his chest. As he lay in bed, or rather atop the dilapidated mattress that had been rescued from the dumpster near the Life, he couldn’t help but let his mind drift back over the memories associated with the infamous loft.   
  
Walking into it for the first time, the wood worn and stained even then. Collins had known then and there that that was where he wanted to live. The place may have been empty, but it had this strange feeling of life even then.  
  
Roger laughing drunkenly on the couch as he talked about his latest gig. This was back before the drugs, April, or the diagnosis. Back when it was just Collins and Roger, two new friends in the Big City waiting to find themselves.  
  
An old roommate, who’s name escapes him, storming out after arguing with Roger about the drugs that had snuck into their lives. Collins claims he knew the kid wouldn’t last in Alphabet City, and Roger complains about the snooty college grad to this day. But, when Collins is alone, he admits that he doesn’t blame Jonathan one bit. Jonathan, that was his name.  
  
Benny and Mark arriving at the door with wide eyes full of emotion, Benny’s with excitement and Mark’s with fear. Benny had bounced around the furniture with an eagerness Collins hasn’t seen since while Mark simply stood in the doorway, clutching his bag to his stomach. His eyes had widened comically when the bleached and bleary eyed Roger had stumbled in, clapping Mark heavily on the back as he slid by. It was the most Roger had acknowledged anyone in days.  
  
Maureen and April dancing around while Roger quietly ate Captain Crunch on the old metal table. The two girls had taken to each other quickly and thrived off each other’s energy. One was never seen without the other, their relationship reflecting that of their boyfriends.  
  
April laying in the bathtub, her skin almost translucent as the life drained out of her. Roger sat in a numb shock on the toilet as Mark frantically tried to breath life into the already dead girl. Collins remembered pulling Mark roughly out of the room, scrubbing the drying blood off of his hands as quickly as he could while the younger boy sobbed for the only time he could remember. Roger just continued to sit.  
  
Angel finally comig in from the hallway to make her grand entrance, proceeding to amuse them with her tale of Evita. He never knew why she had demanded to wait in the hallway until the “proper dramatic moment” for her entrance. But it had somehow worked, and it remained one of his fondest memories of her.  
  
Smoking on the fire escape, laughing at a dumb joke. It was in Mark’s film, but for the life of him he couldn’t remember what they were laughing about.  
  
Mimi dying and coming back to life on the table. Everything had been perfect, and it felt like for a short moment that the family was whole again.  
  
Mark rushing in with the news of his film’s success. He, Mark and Mimi had pranced around with the newspaper clippings proclaiming the movie’s artistic qualities while Roger once again just sat on the table with his Captain Crunch.  
  
The first time “Your Eyes” was played on the radio. Roger and Mimi had danced together slowly, not knowing Collins and Mark were watching from behind the doorway.  
  
Benny, humbled and quiet, returning and taking up residence in Roger’s old room. Mark had smiled into his tea while Roger silently glared. They had never really talked about what happened, but Collins just appreciated the fact that for once their family had grown by one instead of shrinking.  
  
Mimi dying on that table, Angel not sending her back. Roger had been the one sobbing that time while Mark had clung to Collins middle, the trembling the only indication of emotion.  
  
Maureen and Joanne announcing their engagement, again. This time, no big arguments or flirting with the servers, just love and commitment.  
  
The first time that hacking cough tore out of his lungs. They had all shared a look of dread for a moment before returning to whatever it was they had been doing.  
  
Teasing Mark about his new date, a flush darkening the filmmaker’s face. Mark had avoided his eyes as he ducked into his room, trying to straighten his messy hair and wrinkled clothes. Collins had settled onto the couch to watch the brand new television, courtesy of Benny and his new job. He probably should have suspected something when Roger came in twenty minutes later, his hair messier than usual and a soft red tint to his cheeks.  
  
Maureen and Joanne coming in with their newly adopted baby, Mimi Angel Johnson-Jefferson. They had been beaming with pride like any new mothers would be. Whenever Collins looks into the baby’s eyes, he felt like he could see Angel staring back at him.  
  
Catching Mark and Roger making out on the couch the first time. The two had quickly jumped apart like two teenagers caught by their parents. Benny’s jaw had dropped and his eyes had bulged out, but Collins hadn’t been surprised one bit, and he had just laughed at the two as he made his way into his room.  
  
Benny making a feast for Thanksgiving, store bought turkey with beans and cornbread. As always, Mark had eaten too little, Benny had eaten too cleanly, Collins had eaten too messily, and Roger had used too much butter. Mark continually smacked the rocker for the noises he made while Benny laughed more giddily than Collins could ever remember.  
  
Settling atop the mattress, knowing that he wouldn’t be leaving the loft again.  
  
Mark and Roger could have moved out long ago, with Roger’s song hitting the airwaves regularly and Mark’s film a favorite amongst critics, but they still remained. They claimed they were just too lazy to look for someplace else, but Collins knew better. It was the memories that kept them there. It was home.  
  
“What are you eating?” Collins smiled as Mark’s soft voice drifted in under his door.  
  
“Cottage cheese.” Roger’s voice wafted through next. Collins could barely make out the sound of Benny’s shower as the two lovers spoke quietly in the next room.  
  
“But that’s a milk container.” Collins covered his mouth as some quiet chuckles began to sneak out. He had, unfortunately heard this argument before.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Cottage cheese doesn’t come in a milk container.” This time, a full fledged snort snuck out as Collins rose slowly from his mattress. He made his way stealthily to the door and peered out, seeing Mark staring off into the kitchen with a look of disgust on his face.  
  
“C’mon Mark, cheese is just milk that has been forced from some poor animal’s udder into a container filled with bacteria and mold.”  
  
Collins made his way out into the main room, neither of his friends noticing him yet.  
  
“That doesn’t make it any less disgusting,” Mark muttered, Roger setting the milk carton down and making his way over to the couch. He leant down for a kiss, but Mark jumped away quickly. “You’re not laying those lips on me after what you just ate.”  
  
“C’mon Marky,” Roger whined, moving to chase after the young blond.  
  
“No! Oh, Collins, how are you feeling?” The two had finally noticed the anarchist watching them with amusement from the doorway. Collins slowly made his way over, letting his body drop down onto the now abandoned couch.  
  
“Pretty good. Mind if I just sit here on the couch and let you guys amuse me.”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
Collins sat and watched as Roger chased Mark around the room, running into a half naked Benny along the way. He inserted himself into these moments as much as he could, wanting his friends minds to be filled with as many good and happy memories of his as possible so that, when they thought of him, they wouldn’t just see him lying in bed with dark bruises covering his body. Sometimes he worried that Angel and Mimi would be mad at him for clinging to the past so much when they had always preached to no day but today. But, when he watched his friends, he knew that the memories were just as important as whatever was to come.


End file.
